Carla’s Neighborhood

From childhood 'til now... What's the best Christmas present you've ever received?

One that I remember in particular was a huge dollhouse from my aunt. I loved that thing. There was a little cat that you could press and it meowed. And a faucet that made water noises. It was a gas. 

Well folks, it looks like this is the end of H&M. For three years we grew together but all good things come to an end. It's just unfortunate that it is happening this soon. I am still in love with him but I can't force him to love me... so I'm going to be alone for a while. I should be used to it by now, but you never really get used to this sort of thing. A lot of people in my life have left and it begins to wear you down. I doubt myself and I wonder what it is that pushes everyone away. Maybe I've got too much love... yeah, lets just say that's it. It's only been 6 days but it seems like a lifetime that we've been apart. My other half has left me so I'm sure it's going to be a long while before I become myself again. I do believe in the power of love and there is nothing more beautiful... but I don't think I want to love anyone for a long time. It's too much hurt and this loss is going to take a while to heal so I can't really dedicate myself to anyone that way anyways. And to be perfectly honest, I am now scared of love, more than ever before. It makes you weak and you give up everything to keep it... even your pride and dignity. I have made a fool of myself these past few years and especially in the last 6 days and tonight in particular. I am a fool in love. I don't think it's fair at all but what can I do? Hope one day he changes his mind? I can't do that to myself. But what if he does and I have moved on? Love lost is so tragic to me. This breakup is tragic to me, absolutely tragic. I feel like throughout my life I lost people but it wasn't anything unexpected. My dad left before I could even breathe on my own. My mom drifted away for so long that finally once she was gone I had prepared myself as best as I could. But this past year, my grandfather died unexpectedly. And he was the only father I really new. It was a sign I would be losing anyone I ever cared for. My grandma is deteriorating, my aunt had a child and can't be there for me like I would love her to and now the love of my love isn't in love with me anymore and doesn't want to be around because he doesn't want to deal with the relationship anymore. He left before and I was hurt so bad and right when I thought I was winning him back I lost him again. 

And it seems for good this time. So love does tear us apart. I don't know how much i adore love anymore but hopefully one day I can feel it again. I just hope my love doesn't go to waste next time.

Damn, this girl has got it goin' on. I saw her music video today for "I need U bad" and it is a fantastic song. I'm listening to it right now and my baby is sleeping right next to me. It's tough to listen to without crying because what she's singing about is what I was going through when my boo and I weren't together anymore. It's amazing how powerful music is, and how powerful the human voice is. Especially that of a woman. Jaz' got soul and I'm loving her so much right now. This song makes me want to never make any mistakes or hurt my baby. It's so hard ya know. I'm young and foolish at times but he's so good to me I don't know why I ever doubt him. Damn, I love love. It makes me feel so good. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. But ya'll already knew that.

Yes, I said it. It's been itching at me for some time now. I think about it a lot. And it's hard to say out loud without getting laughed at. Hell, I can't even really take myself seriously when I say it. But damn, I love Hip-Hop, it makes me feel something I've never felt before. I know that loving Hip-Hop doesn't mean you should be a rapper just like loving water shouldn't make you wanna be a fish but what if it's what I am supposed to do. Or at least be a poet.... spending time in venues spitting spoken word sounds like a pretty fantastic life to me. I didn't grow up in the streets, I can't approach Hip-Hop from that walk of life but I've got stories of my own to tell and I'd love to open eyes with my music. I don't know what I'm going to do. But I've been listening to this woman from Detroit who gives me hope. Her name is Invincible and she's ill. We'll see where this goes. I've wanted to be a lot of things... the only difference with this one is I've been practicing since I was in middle school, so maybe that'll be the difference to make this real.

What is your all time favorite board game?

Candy Land. Hands down... loved it as a kid.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how kind you are... some people don't get it. People are weird. It's so difficult to understand our peers or elders sometimes and I'm tired of trying to impress certain people. But I have to, I need for them to accept me. I just wish some people would see me for who I am... and realize there are worse girls out there and for a 19 year old, I aint' a bad kid. Some people don't know all the facts, and that keeps them on my tail - thinking I'm bad news. It sucks... but it'll work it's way out in the end.

I'm watching Fight Club right now. It's been a while. It used to be my obsession, i'm not even joking. God, I missed it. I used to have a lot of free time and I've watched it around 100 times by now. Such a good flick. 

What is the biggest challenge you face at work? How are you dealing with it?

Trying to stay happy and motivated. I love the Quiksilver company but damn, retail is so lame.

What have you lost that you wish you could get back?
Submitted by, Witch Hazel

My vintage Harvard t-shirt my aunt gave me. I went into a mud pool one day and when we were done I just left the shirt outside. Sooo lame.